Blair Witched: 10 Aircraft You Probably Don’t Want To See Behind Your Private Jet

With the recent news that Israeli military jets scrambled to shoot down Tony Blair’s jet after a failure in air-to-controller communications ( (the jets had taken a firing position above and behind Blair’s jet, the perfect firing position), we decided to come up with a list of ten jets that you definitely would not want to see in the rear-view mirror of your private jet.

Cessna Citation 550.  Odds are, if this jet is following you, it is being flown by a U.S. Customs agent and you are trying to smuggle a few bales of herb or a white powdery substance into the United States without making the required declarations at the border.  The jet has a low enough stall speed and high enough top speed to insure that anyone trying to lose it will be singing the Smugglers’ Blues. 

Israel Defense Force F-15.  These are likely the jets that caused Mr. Blair’s pilot to have to change his briefs shortly after landing.  Although the plane has been in service with the IDF since the mid-seventies, in the hands of a capable pilot, the F-15 is still about the baddest bird on the block.  Given their extensive combat experience and high standards of training, an IDF pilot strapped into an F-15 is certainly a force to be reckoned with.

United States Air Force A-10.  The Warthog may not be the fastest or sexiest jet on this list, but aside from being the ugliest, it packs the biggest gun with its 30 mm Gatling gun mounted in the nose.  By the time you see this huge rotary cannon behind you, the milk-bottle sized cannon rounds cannot be far behind.

United States Air Force F-22.  The U.S. military’s most advanced production fighter can shoot down anything in the sky.  Aside from being the most maneuverable jet in the world, the Raptor can cruise at supersonic speeds and carry the most advanced air-to-air missiles in the United States’ arsenal.  Oh yeah, it also has the latest in stealth technology making it nearly invisible on radar.

United States Air Force, Code Name “Aurora.”  The U.S. retired its invincible SR-71 Blackbird fleet in the 1990’s, supposedly to replace their unique reconnaissance capability with advanced satellites. Allegedly.  Supposedly, the aircraft that has been known as Aurora doesn’t exist and is not responsible for the donut-shaped jet exhaust seen over the Blackbird’s former airfields.  So, there is no official way you could actually have an Aurora come up from behind you at over Mach 5, since the plane doesn’t exist.  Allegedly.

United States Marine Corps F-35.  The Joint Strike Fighter is a multi-purpose attack/air superiority jet designed to fit the needs of the United States Navy, Air Force and Marines.  The Marine variant included vertical take-off/landing capability.  So basically, we are talking about a fighter jet with nearly the performance and stealth characteristics of an F-22 that you can parallel park next to a Mini Cooper.  Nice.

Russian Air Force Su-37.  The Russian air force is coming out of a period of underfunding and neglect, but someone forgot to tell Russia’s top designers about this lack of resources.  The Su-31 is a prime example of the impressive capabilities of the latest generation of Russian fighters.  Something tells us that an infusion of petrodollars may help buy the needed spare parts and maintenance crews for these planes.

Red Bull Stunt Plane.  O.k., this one is not a jet, but with the ability to pull more g’s than most pilots can handle, by the time you see this plane come up on you, it will likely be halfway through its barrel-roll around your plane and the smoke will be on as it slams into a hammerhead stall.

People’s Liberation Army Air Force J-10.  These jets may not be the most technologically advanced or proven aircraft, but if a swarm of these jets reminiscent of a group of bees looking to pollinate all the flowers of Taiwan is not enough to get your attention, it is time for another cup of coffee.

Eurofighter.  Sure the EU is more concerned with limiting greenhouse emissions and controlling hate speech than they are with meeting their NATO commitments, but the Eurofighter is a great airframe
built to meet the needs of the air forces of several European countries, and if the mood so strikes it, it would prove a capable foe in the skies.

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